Welcome

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Hello, all good people...

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Salutations, I am Craig Willms creator of the Protohuman blog. The blog itself, as a weblog is now defunct. I have not posted since 2014, and I don't intend to resurrect it now. 

However, I own this space so to speak, and I have things I'd like to post in the form of essays, articles and personal notes simply as a record that I had these thoughts and sought to write them down before I lose myself. I'm under no illusion that anyone will read them - or care one wit. 

Still, there is a chance that someone will look me up after my death and find my online life. We live in the first era where we can preserve our thoughts indefinitely due to the way back machine, aka the Internet. Prior to the Internet you'd have to be published to have your writings preserved outside of your personal notebooks. Therefore, the essays and personal anecdotes that follow are something I want associated with me. 

The articles/essays are in no particular order, relevant perhaps, but may have been superseded by events that followed. I maintain the right to be wrong about any of it...

que sera sera!

        Hold on!! Wait!    

Take a minute to look at my art and listen to my music. 

     - please see the links in the Recommended Sites section on the right ===========>  

                     

Free to Choose Free Will

You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice

You can choose from phantom fears, and kindness that can kill

I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose free will

                                                                                Rush ~ Permanent Waves

by Craig Willms

It's a concept that engenders strong feelings. Some people get incensed by it, other people become smug. The religious see it as essential, atheists disregard it as a fairy tale. Society codifies it in the law, while science often dismisses it as a an illusion. Embedded in the mystery of consciousness and the meaning of life our free will is a subject for the ages. 

There are those such as myself who can't see an argument against it, and others who see all happenings as pre-determined. While neither side really knows nor can know the truth of the matter, it doesn't stop the endless debate. 

I have had the argument over free will any number of times, never coming to consensus, obviously. Arguments on Internet forums convince no one to change their view, but argue we must, if only to fortify our own positions. I've racked my brain to contrive an angle, construe a got 'ya moment to end this argument once and for all. Of course it's not going to happen, determinism is a self-sealed argument, it cannot be breached. 

In an earlier post called "Free Will is Not Just an Illusion" I made my arguments, all of which can be countered with determinist platitudes. Still, nothing convinces me we are some kind of machine doing only what the pre-written program allows. 

I fully concede that we don't actually choose what we like or what disgusts us. It's just there... We don't get to choose what comes naturally, or things we are undeniably bad at. These facts about us are true, but is that free will? I don't think so. These are, as with the color of our skin or the type of hair on our head, are immutable characteristics, not choices. Free will is something we choose, consciously and sometimes without much thought. I absolutely acknowledge that free will is constrained. Free will exists in our power to decide within the constraints of the moment. There are numerous things in our lives that we have no choice over. We obviously had no choice in being born, or who our parents are, or where we enter this world. I don't think anyone is arguing that. It seems to me with live in a dualistic world - some things are determined by a past occurrence setting all the factors and there are other moments where switches exist for us to choose. Both can be true. We don't need to be so rigid about it. 

I go through my life and try to think of moments when I decided something, exercising my free will that is so profound that it can't be laid at the feet of a deterministic world. Have I ever succeeded? Unknown. I keep coming back to a decision I made 32 years ago to quit drinking. Did I make the decision or not? Did someone else make it for me? Did I have no choice in it at all? Good questions, but they are the wrong questions. It wasn't one decision on one day, it's a decision I make every single day. Obviously I make this choice of my own will - everyday. 

We make choices like this all the time. We choose to eat well or not, exercise or lay low, treat people with kindness or any number of variations, righteous or not - every single day. We can choose to disregard the consequences of our choices and allow the chips to fall where they may. It's out of our hands, it's meant to be. Regardless, we all know they are choices that can go either way based on our personal will. Is that not what free will is?

My decision to stop drinking was informed by my upbringing. Does that mean I had no choice, that my hand was forced? I don't think so. My six siblings had the same foundation in their upbringing and each chose differently. None followed our fathers path, which was to allow alcohol to ruin his relationships. None followed my path either. For 32 years I chose everyday to not drink alcohol, tomorrow I could choose differently, what's stopping me. Determinism? The universe? God? My Mom?

So, is my choice to forgo alcohol use determined by how others might react? Might that be the why??? Might they reject me and that's what forces the decision on me. Not likely. In fact, my friends would be thrilled, I'd be a lot more fun. Even my wife wouldn't threaten to leave me, she might like a 'funner' me. There were no threats to me with regards my drinking at the time. No one was being put out. My choice was based on a potential future that tracked with my fathers. I did not want that. I'd like someone to boil that scenario down to determinism.

Is free will an illusion of control? Are we slaves to cause and effect? Who's to say. We make deliberate choices every day. Are these decisions forced on us? Yes, some of them are. But... Right now, I'm choosing to go upstairs and make some cinnamon sugar toast and a cup coffee. Yes, I'm choosing - it's my free will. Why would you want to argue with me about that? 

One foot in front of the...

 

by Craig Willms 

3/10/2025

In an earlier post called "The Hole In My Head" I was issuing a warning to family and friends that I felt the oncoming headwind of dementia. There is no actual evidence or diagnosis official or otherwise, but one knows oneself, and I'm losing it. It really doesn't matter to me if you see it or not, I do. Bear with me.

What am I talking about exactly? I've mostly forgotten why I even started writing this down, but one thing that stuck with me during this morning's adventures was how flabbergasted I got doing a few simple things. Regardless that part of the challenge was actually technology related, and yes, may have been confusing to your average 60-something senior. IT was something I did for a living just a few short years ago, it should have been like riding a bike. What was it? I was resetting a password!!! Three rounds of frustration and at least two tech support phone calls, finally, my wife looked over my shoulder as I did the exact same thing for the third or fourth time - and this time it worked. I was the kid with the kindergarten teacher urging me on. You're such a good boy, you try so hard.

Later that morning I was driving down to my hometown, going to a friends place to payback some money I'd borrowed. I'd been at his house once before but didn't remember exactly where it was. No, that's not the issue, no one can be faulted for not knowing someplace that they've only been to once. It was that I was having trouble navigating my hometown, a town that has been etched into my permanent memory. Regardless of cosmetic changes my internal compass should have gotten me through that town with my eyes tied behind my back. I had taken the fabled 'back roads' to kill time waiting for him to text me the street address. There were traffic circles that never existed before, and some new streets and buildings but the land was the land, it covered all the same ground. I had trod these acres a thousand times before. Somehow, I was LOST? Then just as the text dinged, I recognized a landmark and was back going in the right direction. 

From there I tried use my now infamous internal compass to navigate the way to my friend's house and became so turned around I had to pull over so I could input the address into Google Maps. Despite the fact that Google Maps was having a stroke this morning it should have been easy to just listen to the voice on the radio speakers pointing the way. Still, once more I had to stop and 're-calculate". Finally in a fit of disbelief I pulled over again and looked at the address I'd put into Google Maps - My God!!! Where is this place??? Then I looked up at the house I had stopped in front of and... There it was - my friend's house. Sheer luck, I think...

These were not hard things to do, not rocket surgery, as they say. I am not incompetent, I never have been. I can do a lot of things pretty well, not that I'm an ace at anything in particular, but I can walk, talk, chew gum and subnet mask your IPv4 Class C network all at once. Or at least I could. Not so sure anymore. I've only been away from my career for 3 years and it's all gone. Ah, they say we remember what's important. Well, let's hope so.

This was not the first time when driving that I didn't know where I was, it worries me a bit. I've always snapped back fairly quickly, so I've never been panicked. This morning, I couldn't make sense of someplace familiar with a voice guiding me turn by turn to my destination. It was like one of those frustrating dreams where try as you might you never actually make it where you're going.