The Beauty of Shared Love

 

by Craig Willms

Tired of being negative? I know I am. To be honest I don't have that much to be negative about. I'm in a good place personally, and when my wife retires 'we' will be in a really good place. While not rich financially we are rich in so many ways. We are out of debt and have enough to eat and a warm, well maintained house to live in. Compared to so many billions now alive and the billions that have come before us we are rich beyond measure. So yeah, what's to be so negative about?

Well, there is always some injustice or outrage or people acting badly to be mad about. Just read a few postings on this website and you'll find plenty that I'm sick of or outraged about. It's just basic human nature to gripe and complain about that which we cannot control. Most of it doesn't directly affect me, or is so disconnected from my day to day life that my anger and negativity is not proportional. The most we can do besides whining and complaining is visit the ballot box on election day or be mindful where we spend our money. Protesting and other social actions mostly just makes people mad or makes people consider you a nut burger - regardless of the topic. The big, organized protests are just that, highly organized and largely inauthentic. When the money dries up for the 'action' the protests die out. 

To change the world a single person without power has to rely on small, seemingly inconsequential actions. It builds over time by what we leave in our wakes. Being charitable and helpful to those in our circles will have an impact as the drop of care ripples out from us. It's possible to foster goodness and righteousness one person at a time, one act at a time.

The one thing that hits close to home and has invaluable benefit is the idea of shared love. Most of us born into intact families experience shared love. Mom and Dad may not even love each other anymore but in most cases they both love the kids. Even those times when we parents temporarily don't love the kids we do. When adult children come with problems or are hurting, we gather troops and step up in a way that demonstrates this love we share.

For my wife and I our kids are grown and gone from our day to day lives. When the last family pet dies that childhood era is over. We faced this situation a few years ago. Once the shock and pain wear off of losing that pet you face a new world. For many women the caring gene doesn't just shut off. The men in general neither need nor desire the level of care and attention a dependent pet receives. Now, to be sure a shared love can be for hobbies, a sports team, books, wine or any number of interests, but a living pet is at a whole different level. We really missed that cat. For us I wouldn't say we necessarily started growing apart, but that close-up shared love aspect of our lives was over as we had decided that we were not going to have any more pets. She wants to travel, unencumbered by obligations in the home. I concurred. 

We had many pets over the years - in fact there was almost never a time that there weren't pets in the home, often multiple pets at the same time. The absence of pets wasn't something that was bringing us down, it was just different. I couldn't even say that there was a sense that something intrinsic was missing. 

Then as fate would have it a small dog entered the picture. At first it was going to be temporary, right...

Years later we have found an abiding joy in this dog. Our shared love and the reciprocal love the dog exudes has enriched our lives. It's hard to put into words. It isn't something we pined for, at least not knowingly. When the situation that led to the dog coming into our lives had settled the thought of giving her back was shocking. Shocking? Yes, were were so used to our lives now, our routines, our obligations and our adoration of this animal that the idea of her being gone was devastating. We were clinging to something we didn't even know we were missing - the beauty of shared love.