The Mental Fabric

 

The Mental Fabric

by Craig Willms

There is no there there. 

What does that even mean? We hear this, or some form of it all the time. It simply means there is nothing to it - whatever 'it' is. An empty suit so to speak. We like to think that we can put everything in its box, sorting out what is and what is not, what is real and what is fantasy. The key to the previous sentence is the word think. We think, yes, but what is that? Thinking is mental, it's immaterial, there's nothing to it. Now we've come full circle. 

Clearly, we exist in material form. It's also obvious we exist in thought, possessing an immaterial mental presence that is tied to our bodies. Fortunately, our lizard brain autonomically keeps our life-sustaining physical processes going, no thinking needed. Our bodies have inputs and outputs all of which can be measured, that is all except our mental output. Our thoughts are invisible, silent, odorless, tasteless and tactless. So, what are they? Spent energy? Where do our thoughts go if that's the case? It's a good question.

We all live a material life. We also live an inner life. As unlikely as it would seem we can be materially poor, our lives tough and miserable, while at the same time our inner lives are rich and fulfilling. It is possible, it does happen. Certainly, the opposite is true.

This dichotomy between our minds and bodies has been the source of speculation and disagreement since the beginning of time. The greatest minds to have ever lived have wrestled with it and yet we still have no definitive answers. Once materialism became the dominant tenet of existence the interest in the mind/body relationship has waxed and waned but has never been declared solved and dismissed. Recent years has seen a resurgence of interest in this so-called ultimate question. The advent of AI technology has ramped up the interest to new levels. Will one day we declare machines alive, conscious and capable of self reflection? Who can tell... 

It's fun to speculate, and as long as you do not commit the ultimate sin of bringing God into the discussion, it can be illuminating. 

We humans don't usually consider the universe as a whole when we contemplate our personal existence. The physical universe is so large, potentially endless, that we can't really wrap our minds around it. Yet we are part of the universe and to whatever degree we consider our place in it we need to understand that without us to ponder these questions the universe may not exist at all. That's a difficult concept to comprehend at any level. Interestingly enough we don't consider the endless potential of our mentation in the same way. Are the thoughts we have any less real than the star dust we are made of? I don't think so.

We accept the fabric of spacetime and our presence in it, but what about the mental fabric of the universe? Are we not present in our own minds? Since each of us is connected to all of existence at a physical level simply by being, why wouldn't we consider that we are all connected at a mental level? I contend we are. 

What if I tell you there is a part of your mind that is humanity's and not solely yours alone. Call it the impersonal will. Consider it an aspect of your mental being that does not care what you think, what you want, or care one wit about you or anyone else. It is that aspect of you that does things that are not necessarily in your best interest, the reason you occasionally say things like "I don't know why I did that, it's just not like me". We make connections with others in an instant without our even thinking about it. The impersonal will is like a silent partner you don't recognize. It's the part of us that joins the madness of crowds. Sports fans and rioters will understand this. It's the reason we can fall prey to the rhetoric of a wannabe dictator, the reason we can fall prey to seduction of all kinds. 

The universe, it has been said treats all of creation with pitiless indifference. It's absolutely true, it is a cruel existence that is essentially endless suffering and pain. If we were simply instinctual biological creatures, we would not consider our own suffering let alone the suffering of another, we'd exist and then we'd die. But we do acknowledge suffering in ourselves and others. We rise above the impersonal will; we do the necessary to alleviate pain and suffering where we can. Therein is the difference we make by the power of our will, the personal will we impose on our beings. 

Where does the personal will come from? If it isn't material, if it isn't physical, does it really exist? The empathy we feel for ourselves, and others isn't something that can be quantified or measured scientifically, does that mean it isn't real? Or is it actually what makes us truly human? I pick the latter.

The impersonal will is something we don't control. We can only exert influence through thought and contemplation. We have to do this; we would be crushed by it if we let it run us. It is a force of nature; it can be as merciless as mother nature in a rage. People who don't try to mitigate the impersonal will, being too meek or indifferent to the wake it creates, can be dangerous, even deadly. Others harness the impersonal will for their own benefit by bringing it to the surface and triggering it in others. When we say "so and so pushes my buttons" it's a recognition of this phenomena without real understanding. We've all been there. 

Childhood is all about learning to live with the impersonal will. Spend enough time with an infant through early childhood until the age of reason, and you'll actually see this battle of the wills develop. This skill isn't something we have innately, we learn it. 

We all know exceptional people and we know people that seem to fail at everything. They both face struggles, but what do they really, deep down struggle with? We say about the failure "he's his own worst enemy". We say about the successful guy "he's a force of nature, strong willed!" Just picture the image of little beings perched on each of your shoulders whispering in your ears... One says, "just do it, you know you want to" while the other says "it's dangerous and someone could get hurt". One of these imps is portrayed as the devil, uncaring of any consequence, and the other an angel, with your best interest at heart. This concept illustrates the battle of the wills in simple terms, it is for all intents and purposes the epic battle between good and evil.

This dual nature we all possess sits at the basis of all our human stories. This dance, this battle we must all face, defines us. We don't know it intuitively; we rarely recognize its significance, yet it influences every decision we make. How do we know which of these natures is right, which one should we listen to? Humanity has been struggling with this since the beginning of time. It would seem we need some guidance, a teacher perhaps. 

Is it any wonder we conjured God? Of course not! But what is God really? Where is God? What if God is that part of our will that rejects the cold indifference of spacetime and brings compassion and empathy to the suffering. The man who says he doesn't believe in God doesn't realize that "God" is in him whenever he acts like a decent person or helps out when asked. God is right there, in him. We don't have to get hung up on religion to understand this. God is there when a new mother welcomes her baby, ready to sacrifice everything for it. God is there at the accident scene in the actions of the paramedic and then again at the hospital in the emergency room where doctors and nurses save lives. God is there in the woman who drops off groceries at the food shelf. God is there in the teenager who comforts his friend who has just lost her grandma. God is at the lab in the scientist who is exploring a new treatment for disease. God is the hedge against the cold, cruel impersonal world. 

All these actions and millions more happen every day in every corner of the world. We may call it common decency, we may consider it simply doing what's right, but it is caring, compassion and empathy put into action. We are choosing to act Godly through the power of our will. We do this without conditions, without expectations of recompense. This is where God is. It doesn't have to be any harder than that. 

     

The Story

 The Story

by Craig Willms

 

The most compelling aspect of humanity through the ages is our love of stories and the very necessity of stories to define our existence. We appear to need stories to convey what is important, to educate and to know right from wrong. We individual humans will expire but our stories remain. The story is the thing.

Before there were books or movies, before the printed word there were spoken stories, the oral tradition. It was the way humans communicated ideas and concepts for the greater part of our existence. Our social hierarchies, our allies and enemies, our belief systems are to this day defined by our stories. Often, it's the only way to convey the social impact certain behaviors might have. The prefix we use, for example is most often followed by a story that exemplifies the lesson at hand. It's clearly one of the things that differentiates humans from other animals. Surely there are story tellers in the animal kingdom, but nothing that approaches the human propensity to tell and rely upon stories. 

Any parent can attest to the hunger little humans have for stories. From the time a child can process the language they want to hear stories, sometimes the same ones over and over. Anyone who has spent time reading to a child before bed knows how much children love to hear stories - read me another story! Yes, the child might be fighting sleep, or wishing to extend that close and personal one on one time with Mom or Dad, but the story is the thing that cements the joy they feel. The stories are helping to build the imagination of the young mind.

The phenomenon of story time only increases from there. Modern man thrives on stories, both the fictional and the true. The absolute truth of the story is less important than the lesson or idea being conveyed. Myths, legends and fables are powerful tools for passing cultural cohesion from one generation to the next. The Bible is a collection of stories that provide a narrative for believers. Each religion around the world uses stories to present its beliefs. These stories are powerful and motivating.  As well, we moderns love our movies, TV shows and novels. Little is as powerful as an emotional scene in which we have been drawn in by the story. In fact, we tell each other stories every day. We build our futures by the stories we tell ourselves and others. Almost every important concept of the human condition comes out of our story telling tradition. World wars and blood feuds all have started from the stories that were told and retold. Feuds lasting for decades, spanning multiple generations over actions taken by people long dead. Quite often the hatred and continuing violence far exceed the initial act. The stories get embellished by repeated telling's until the actual reason for the feud is long forgotten. 

All this leads to the realization that we are a story above all else. Everyone in and of themselves is but a story, some are easily forgotten, some become legend. Interesting stories are told and retold. You can liken your life to an actor embodied in a role, and what is an actor doing but acting out a story. Flesh and blood comes and goes, the story is all that remains. If we consider that all of matter has a shelf life and that each type of matter has its own, we come to a realization that nothing lasts forever. The stars, planets, mountains, rivers, rocks and trees all have a lifespan. Some last billions of years, some last thousands and some hundreds. We, humans, last about 80 years or so. Our bodies eventually transform into dust and then there is nothing. But is that true?

The story remains. 

What is Real?

 What is Real?

by Craig Willms

It seems like a strange question. Obviously when we open our eyes and look out at the world around us, we see reality, you know, the real world, right? Well maybe. Our reality in a physical sense is limited by what our five senses can convey to our conscious mind. Our bodies with our built-in senses are essentially measuring devices we use to survey the physical world. We know other animals have senses we don't possess or like our cats and dogs have heightened senses that work in ways we can't conceive. How the world looks to them would be completely alien to us. Clearly, we experience only a fragment of reality.

There are a thousand of theories and philosophies as to nature of reality, it's not a novel subject at all. Until the enlightenment era all theories and philosophies were equally valid. Through the pursuit of knowledge of how the physical world works some dangerous and exploitative notions were put down. Welcome to logic and reason. Materialism rose up and soon dominated the world. This was good in countless ways, obviously. So, what's the problem? 

Well, just this, materialism has no space for the metaphysical, for spiritualism. It was spiritual notions that provided the cohesion and belonging, the sense of purpose and the promise of salvation among other things that human societies had always been built around. The belief in a realm beyond the physical world where God(s) dwells is ancient, cross cultural and worldwide. As the materialist mindset marched on it pushed out any perceived need for this higher plane. I call it throwing the baby out with the bathwater syndrome. 

There are many things scientism can't explain and likely never will in a purely physical sense. Experience is most often cited. What is the scientific formula or mathematical equation for what it's like to taste chocolate, to feel the cool breeze of the ocean air? Things like love, courage, honesty, joy, intuition and integrity which are in fact mere words, but mean something so real they can't be denied. They cannot be reduced to a formula or equation. This suggests that there is something beyond the hard physical world. There is a mental realm where our consciousness and our inner life exist separate from the physical world. There seems to be a connectedness that stretches out from every living thing. Almost all people have had odd sensations, gut feelings, inexplicable connections and surreal occurrences that have shocked them or left them puzzled. The point is, it does not seem out of the realm of possibilities that a universal shared domain exists if you will. 

Therefore, you have a version of reality that allows for both the physical and the mental/spiritual. Call it dualism. This concept is simple enough to wrap the mind around as there seems to be evidence that both the physical world and a mental/spiritual world do exist. Dualism is mind and matter living in harmony. Mind, which is information and experience at its root, and matter, which is the domain where existence is physical, both seem quite real.

There's also an ancient philosophy that says all reality is beyond of the realm of the physical world, only the mind at large exists. It's called idealism. It is rooted in the idea that ultimate reality lies in a realm that transcends phenomena, that the essential nature of reality lies in consciousness. Only mental states are knowable. This type of belief has ancient roots across cultures, across time. It has been diluted by the success of materialism. It's now being re-examined as the fruits of strict materialism are found to be wanting. 

A strict materialist philosophy ultimately leads to nihilism and despair. This notion may be disputed by logic and reason types, particularly those of strong will and above average intelligence. Still, I believe the evidence of decay in the greater human spirit is overwhelming. The modern world breeds social disfunction and personal loneliness, and the materialist mindset is at the heart of it. As materialism gives us more and more material wealth and extended lifetimes among other things, human beings are less happy, less fulfilled, more stressed and suffer suicidal despair like never before. What changed? What hasn't? Brush away the debris of modernity, and underneath it all we'd see that at the same time the clarity of materialism was celebrated an ugly, tireless degradation of spirituality and faith had been unleashed from all corners. Thus, the throwing the baby out with the bathwater... 

All this begs the question: is reality what we 'see', touch and measure or is it what we think, feel and perceive mentally - or both? No one knows, hence this battle of ideas. The idealist believes that mind (consciousness) is all there is, and the materialist believes consciousness is merely an illusion. 

There are unanswerable questions, eternal questions, questions of meaning, questions we've all wrestled with in our own minds. To the materialist the mind is contained within the individual physical brain and extinguishes upon death. It's there one minute and gone the next. Where did it go? Does it just disappear? This denies the law of conservation of energy. Another unanswerable question. The mystery of death, I guess.

It is our perceived wants and needs, desires and fears, likes and dislikes that are not easily explained by the materialist simple black and white view of a purely physical reality. The materialist will not even consider the question of idealism's premise. Either consciousness is an illusion or physicalism/materialism is false, or both are true as dualism suggests. I myself do not have enough philosophical chops to make a determination, but I'm open to possibilities.

There's enough evidence that shows us that we are connected to each other and all of nature by something outside our physical selves. Perhaps it is God. Or something so base as to be indistinguishable from God. It has been at the heart of all religions and has been a source of our moral codes for millennia. It shouldn't be smugly dismissed by so-called experts and university students. So, to ask the question 'what is real' is to ask the ultimate question. 

Meaning:

 

Meaning: 

by Craig Willms

 

What is meaning? Why do we search for meaning? When do we know something has meaning? 

 Meaning, it's there in one of the eternal questions; what is the meaning of life? It's not an easy thing to answer, but answer it we must, every day.

Webster's dictionary has three definitions for meaning: 1) the thing one intends to convey especially by language, 2) something meant or intended, 3) significant quality. There, that clears it up nicely, don't you think? Clear as mud.

Meaning seems to guide us at the most basic level. The need for our lives to have meaning defies a simple explanation. Like breathing, we hardly take time to think about it in any 'meaningful' way, we ignore it most of the time. Most of us want our life, our work, our relationships to mean something, but it becomes abstract background noise day in and day out. It's still important even when we shove it into the back of our minds. When we perceive life as meaningless it can affect us in serious and profound ways. In the face of meaninglessness people can become depressed, despondent or dangerously cynical.

Curiously, over time what we believe is meaningful fades and becomes no longer meaningful, something else replaces it. We don't even ask why, it just happens. Does that make us shallow? Or is it just the way it's supposed to be? I suspect the need for meaning is a coping mechanism, a very necessary one.

By and large we don't know why we are here, it's a question that seems pointless to consider, we just are, and we need to carry on. We integrate into the world we find ourselves in, and we try to cope with whatever life throws at us. What would be the point to seeking meaning in the day-to-day machinations of living? Yet we do, and we need to, or the world would fall apart around us. Those who fail at this end up discarded in prisons or on the street and act as reminders to the rest of us why meaning is important.

Most people find an equilibrium in their environment, not really thinking in terms of meaning except those times when confronted by hard choices. The rest of the time we distract ourselves with our jobs, family obligations, busywork or mindless activities, just passing the time. Searching for meaning all the time would be exhausting.

Certain people take the question of meaning as central and devote themselves to that which is outside of themselves. They tend toward serving others and often busy themselves with introspection, questioning their own motives when they feel they are falling short. Others don't, and almost never entertain any deep philosophical thoughts like the meaning of meaning, considering it utterly pointless. They are practical people, getting on with business of living, untortured by their own apathy. The world needs both kinds. I think we all occupy both these positions in some ratio over the course of our lives. It's important to understand that not everything means something, living life should outweigh an endless search for meaning. 

If and when we settle into a contemplative state, we might ask ourselves what does it all mean? What should we be doing? For me knowing that my death is far, far closer than my birth I tend to dwell on these thoughts from time to time. As it goes for me, later in life, retired from my "day job" I have time now to ponder these sorts of things. It can be unsettling to say the least. I will think of my mother who is already gone and my wife and children who will be left behind when I'm gone, and I wonder what did it all mean? 

Life will go on without me, this is a universal truth. In this world I'll be just a fading memory in the minds of those left behind. How quickly we disappear. For the millions and billions of people who came before us, what of them? The memories of them and everyone they knew are gone. Were their lives meaningless? What about all the children who died young, or the ones never born. Were their lives also meaningless? It doesn't seem possible. The meaning of our lives, our purpose, our ultimate contribution seems to me to be shrouded in mystery, and death an absolute finality, but is it? Is there transcendence for the mind and soul once the body dies? We really won't know until it happens. Thanks Captain Obvious...

I can't find a way to accept that once the lights go out that's it, we just cease to exist in any form. Entire cultures and religions for millennia have been premised on the foundation of a continued existence beyond the grave. Mankind clings to it. 

I cling to it. 

        

Time

Time

by Craig Willms

One of the greatest songs I know is a number called "Time" by Pink Floyd. A cut from their classic album Dark Side of the Moon. Funny, these guys were young men when they wrote it, what did they know about the passing of time? Well, they sensed where things were going, and they got it right. When I read through the lyrics now, 50 years after they were penned, they ring true to me, now more than ever.

Time by Pink Floyd/Gilmour and Wright

    Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day

Fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way.

Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town

Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

    Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.

And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.

No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

     Ahhhh...

    (Oooh ahhhh)

    So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking

Racing around to come up behind you again.

The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older

Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

    Every year is getting shorter; never seem to find the time.

Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines.

Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way

The time is gone, the song is over

Thought I'd something more to say.

The two lines that always jumped out at me were...The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older - and... Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way - These lyrics have so much meaning and wisdom in their simplicity.  

The sun is the same in a relative way... Imagine a man looking up at the sun 1000 years ago. He sees the sun exactly as you do. He feels the warmth, and the pressure of the light and accurately predicts where the sun will be a few hours from now and where it will be tomorrow morning. His sun is consistent. As is yours. It's the same. Some things are timeless. 

Yet time marches on.

He wakes up one day and half his life has passed him by. What happened, or actually, how did this happen? This is something I think we can all relate to. Suddenly you realize after all your work, all your plodding along and all your caring about every minute detail of your life it's all seemingly for naught. You are no closer to understanding or fulfillment than you were as a child. Except now there is so much less time in front of you. 

Now that you're older you expected to have achieved a mature wisdom, and you have to a certain degree, but it's so small and incomplete. For some reason you think you're the only one who doesn't get it, but you're not alone. No one has this thing figured out. Innately we know it will never click for us; we are destined leave this world as blind as when we came into it. There is acceptance, there is peace, but it's unsatisfying. So, you hang on in quiet desperation, because that's what people do. Then you die.

Still, time marches on.

After we're gone life goes on, time marches on, relentlessly so. No one can stop it. Is there a lesson to be drawn, is there a point to all this? If there is, it's so personal, no one can adequately explain it to another. Short of just advising you to be aware, keep your eyes open and take it all in as best you can, there's nothing more to say...

to Love:

 

to Love:

by Craig Willms

What is our purpose as human beings? What is it we are supposed to do, who are we supposed to be?  Most people would say something like - to be a good person. Of course, that means little without context, still most people aren't going to have much more than that. It's not an easy question. An atheist or scientific materialist would likely scoff and declare that we have no purpose, being merely an accident of nature and all. I think instinctively we know that's not the whole story, we know that we need something meaningful sustaining us, something higher than mere existence, without which our lives would be brutal and joyless, ideally, we need to love. 

When we consider that humans are only one of more than a million species to have roamed this earth, are we really set apart from all other life? We are clearly connected to all other living things by our very make up, we are all made of the same things, but are we humans somehow special? If we take a simple look around it becomes clear that we are different in both subtle and profound ways. Harnessing and taming nature being one major differentiator, but we also interact with each other in unique ways. Those of us who can see beyond the simplistic notion that we are just brainy animals driven by instinct can see that humanity has two natures, one being good and the other evil - each of us possess these natures.  This, I say, makes us different than other higher order animals we share the Earth with. A great white shark, a high functioning killing machine, cannot be considered good or evil, any more than a cottontail rabbit can. Can you say the same thing of the human being? No, no you can't. We can be saints and we can be devils. 

Taken as a given that evil is undesirable, destructive and deadly, what is the antidote to our innate evil? An enduring notion that has been present since the dawn of man is that love is the opposing force to evil. What is love? There is that moment when a child is born, when the mother holds the baby for the first time, the feeling she has, the look on her face witnessed by those present. That is a special kind of love borne out by her willingness to care for this helpless infant with every fiber of her being. Skeptics, themselves having been the beneficiary of this kind of love, dismiss it as a natural side effect of brain chemistry that all new mothers feel regardless of the species. Since we are physical beings, chemistry is part of it, of course. Again, it's not the whole story. We are more than just physical beings; we have a spiritual side, something that connects us with all of creation. Every human culture since the beginning of time has expressed a spirituality and given metaphysics a central role in their story. Who are we to just throw that away? We clearly seem to be doing just that in the modern materialistic world. If material meaninglessness is all there is, then who needs love? Well... You do.

It isn't being loved that gives our lives meaning. We can't force anyone to love us. But we have the ability regardless of all else to love. We have the capacity to love others whether they love us or not. It's the only thing we have control of in this life. To love something, to love someone, to love yourself is fulfillment, is success. 

Our human stories spanning tens of thousands of years repeat this theme in one way or another over and over. Even in the stories of evil personified, the antagonist usually has a back story of a love lost that has driven him to seek evil as revenge against the world or God himself. The righteous stories end with the evil one learning to love again and they all live happily ever after. Other stories end in disaster for the antagonist, or worse his victims.  

It isn't clear to me that the ability to love is innate, it needs to be demonstrated and developed, like all other properties of our psychological make-up. Unloved babies are overwhelmingly unable to love later on in life without tremendous intervention. 

Popular music seems to whitewash the culture with love songs, even silly love songs, songs we often dismiss as superficial. I'm not so sure they are. If for no other reason than they seek to instill optimism and the hope of love. They serve to reinforce a universal truth, reminding us of a message John, Paul, George and Ringo used to sing "All you need is love, love is all you need".

In the Moment

 

In the Moment

by  Craig Willms

 

All we have is now, live in the moment.

That's so easy to say, so easy to aspire to, so easy to declare as some kind of mystical truth. It's also completely meaningless - all the while being an absolute fact. Obviously, we live in the moment, literally constructing the past from our memory and the physical objects surrounding us, where the future is in fact our only destination. So, why even bring it up? The uneasy answer is that we should simply strive to live in the moment, whatever that means.

We do seem to spend an awful lot of time living for the future instead of just living. That's just a fact of life, and what other way is there? Sacrificing the now for a more stable future is part of what makes us human. Regardless of what we do for a living we are always busy setting up our future selves. Even when we were hunter gatherers, we did things to prepare for our future. When we were agrarian, we literally lived every day with an eye toward the future harvest. How is our workaday world that much different? When we were young and just getting started, we'd work all day so that we could sit around drinking and watching TV that night before going to bed so that we can get up and do it all over again. We had to eat, and we had to pay the rent. Only the very rich can leisure all day and night, or work on projects of their own fancy. Not many of us are that rich.

In a perfect world we'd be doing just what we want and nothing more, that which makes us happy and fulfilled. The all-magical government would provide for all our needs so we could write books, paint pictures or sip cosmos with a little umbrella on the beach. Can I stop now? There is no magical government, it's a fantasy. In the real world we have to work so we can eat. 

The point being we all have to do what we needs to be done to make ends meet. That often means toiling away at boring, rote work that we can't wait to be over. The ideal is that we get to do work that we actually enjoy. This is why we try to educate and train ourselves for the possibility of a good and interesting job. However, that only goes so far, eventually we tire of everything that is required. Labors of love are few and far between. So, we work and plan and dream of the times to come when we can do what we want. 

I myself was a daydreamer in my early years. I'd pass the time planning or thinking about things I wanted to accomplish, big and small. At one time I was a field service rep and drove hundreds and hundreds of miles a day. It was the kind of job that didn't require brain power, just attention. It left a lot of capacity for deep thinking. The day was measured in endless miles, each and every thought was about was the future, I never lived in the moment. Years went by and I accomplished very little of the things I dreamt about. Later I trained in corporate network security and spent 25 years delving deep into the minutiae of network protocols and design. There was no time for daydreaming. Most of the time we lived in the moment, moment to moment, battling network outages or investigating security matters. In the moment yes, but not necessarily living. It was work that needed to be done and it may have kept me from the poor house, but was any of it really living?

You'd like to think there's a fine line between living and really living, but it's not fine, it's invisible. We live, we give 'the moment' the attention it deserves. There's nothing wrong with trying to be present, to be fully present in the now. It's probably even advisable. We shouldn't be worried when we're not. There's nothing wrong with being a dreamer, looking to a brighter day to come with joyous anticipation. There are days when we are just putting in the time, not enjoying the moment simply because the moment has so little to offer. The trick is to know when to pay attention and let life soak in.

When people say things like live in the moment, they generally mean to be present in your own life. They're saying don't worry about things you can't control, and they usually mean well. My mother used to say don't wish your life away when we kids would complain about having to grow up before we could do certain things. She was telling us to enjoy the moment, because soon enough we'd be in the workaday world, and we'd pine for the fancy-free days of our youth. We, of course, let it in one ear and out the other. She was right, we now know. It was good advice, to strive to live in the moment, and live without regrets.

Stream of Consciousness

 Stream of Consciousness

by Craig Willms

Have you ever had to listen to somebody running a personal monologue, never pausing to reflect on anything they said while in effect saying nothing at all. It can be annoying, right, but it's also instructive. It's a demonstration of how our minds work. A stream of consciousness is exactly what our inner voice is doing much of the time. Granted our streaming inner thoughts are often incoherent words out of sequence, bouncing from one thing to the next without reaching conclusions. We talk to ourselves to work things out, to think. Whether we need to think within the confines of language or not we do assign words to our thoughts, thus, our inner-voice, our inner-dialogue. It begs the question who or what is this voice inside our heads? 

One of the funniest things about the cat and dog videos we watch on the Internet is when words are assigned as the inner voice of the animal as we watch their antics. Obviously, the words represent the thoughts we'd like to suppose they are thinking. Of course, animals don't use language like we do - that's what makes it funny. We know animals exist on instinct, but thoughtful reasoning is clearly present. We can watch them figure things out, there is obvious intelligence there. Our pets think. While they are not thinking in words there is self-awareness and possibly a conscious inner life not unlike our own. It only makes the hard problem of consciousness that much more mysterious.

What is the hard problem of consciousness? In scientific terms reductive explanations are available in principle for all other natural phenomena, but not for consciousness. This is the hard problem; it cannot be functionally analyzed. In practical terms the lack of explanation for what consciousness is leads us to consider that either we eliminate consciousness by denying that it even exists, or we add consciousness to our ontology as an unreduced feature of reality, like gravity, electromagnetism or the photon. I don't think we can just deny the existence of consciousness, the evidence that it is something real seems overwhelming. If we can't deny the existence of consciousness, we are left with only the mystery, and then we have to accept that we may never know or we are incapable of knowing. 

Setting aside the hard problem of consciousness and just accepting that consciousness exists, there are still questions that defy easy answers. So here we jump from the frying pan straight into the fire. Throughout history we've assigned personal morals, right and wrong as a function of our conscience. While conscience and consciousness are not the same thing, they fall under the same rubric. They both describe a functioning inner life that is seemingly independent of our physical properties. When someone does something egregious, something underhanded, or just mean we'd say, "have you no conscience". Or we say something like "in all good conscience I just couldn't do that to him". As if doing something like that would be a sin against not only the person but the cosmos itself. Here our conscious awareness is directed both inwardly and outwardly. By exclaiming what we couldn't do to another we're protecting not only the other person but ourselves and the universe itself. 

The moral aspect is only part of it. There are also the analytical awareness aspect and the call-to-action piece. All three are tied into the decision-making process. In any situation the mind analyzes, then decides if action is needed and finally applies a moral code, however superficial it may be, to the action or inaction. All this in a fraction of a fraction of a second, all due to the marvelous biological computer known as the brain. A brain that is only fully functioning when we are conscious. Could consciousness be a series of 'IF' 'THEN' and finally 'WHY' statements? Where humans have a vastly larger capacity in the 'WHY' database than our fellow earth-mates.

Ok, if we are merely code running on a biological machine then who wrote the code? Where did it come from? This gets into a raft of first cause arguments and down the rabbit hole we go. Is it possible the code just wrote itself? We just don't know...

Most people think, if they think about it at all, that consciousness is something over and above our physical being and not merely an illusion as the physicalists claim. Whereas the secular scientific community tells us that physicalism – the position that only physical things exist – is the most basic principle. They contend that consciousness emerges from the physical brain and only appears to offer us an inner life. Take the brain out and consciousness disappears. Is that necessarily so? That's like saying destroy the TV or the radio and the broadcast disappears. Is consciousness like a broadcast? Not necessarily, but that's the point, we don't really know what it is. The nature of consciousness is a question as old as humanity itself, and despite our massive leap in scientific knowledge it is still unanswered.

Science will go on without care toward the hard questions of consciousness. And those who ponder the true nature of consciousness will contend with one of humankind's greatest mysteries. Whether it's an illusory mechanism within the brain or something more we benefit from the chance at introspection and the ability to mentally wrestle with our own thoughts. 

I Had a Moment...or two

 

I Had a Moment... or two

by Craig Willms

All summer I had been careful to mow around a particular weed out in the backyard. Early on my eye caught what was the faintest splash of fuchsia in the center of this weed. Today I was out mowing again, the grass is finally growing since we'd had a few rare soakers lately. I was in a mood, irritated by something that had happened earlier that morning, I was out of sorts and generally pissy. Then I saw it...

The weed had grown, and the splash of color was now revealed. What I had assumed was a tiny flower was actually the plant itself slowly changing color. It was as if someone had sprinkled colored powder on it. It was beautiful. My mood brightened and I realized then that this plant and its transformation was a sign. This simple beauty wiped away my frustration and rotten attitude. I had had a moment.

This is what life is about, these moments. They are so few and far between these days or so it seems. When you're younger the cumulation of your entire life is compressed, slowly unfolding as time passes. Those rare moments aren't necessarily that rare and you gave them almost no attention. With time these moments are so spread out that you can miss the significance unless you pay attention. We live on a magical world, and we tend to take it for granted. I know it's just a weed, but it has meaning to me.

By the way, my daughter, an amateur horticulturalist, identified the weed as Purple Goosefoot, widely found in Mexico, I'm in Minnesota. What a treat!

So, a couple a weeks back I was watching the grandkids at my daughter's house. Me and the middle child, a girl, were out in the backyard. There was a patch of clover, and I was telling her that all clovers have three leaves. It was extremely rare to come across a four-leaf clover and it is considered good luck if you find one. 

She set about looking for one as I walked across the yard and sat in a chair in the shade. I no sooner sat down, and she was there "you mean like this, grandpa?" There in her hand a four-leaf clover! I was stunned.

I'm sure we've all found a four-leaf clover or at least seen one - they are rare yes, but not unknown. But to find one within seconds of setting out to look for one is amazing. I'm thinking that was a moment too. I can now recognize it. I hope somewhere in her memory she'll think back to that day. It's possible, she's five now and our memories can stretch back that far. 

These events, these moments as insignificant as they are, only serve to remind us that these little things and those small occurrences are meant to be savored even if for only a few seconds. Being around children helps as they bring to us long forgotten experiences and the feelings of simple joy. We oldsters need to keep our eyes open and recognize them for what they are. Moments.

I Had a Moment...again, and then again

 

I Had a Moment...again, and then again

by Craig Willms

I can't believe what I saw today. We had a very slight rainstorm, there was hardly enough rain to even wet the road we were driving on. My wife said - oh, look at the rainbow! Sure enough there was a section of an arc of a rainbow in the distance. We were driving toward it, and I was looking at it intently because something seemed a bit off about this rainbow. This rainbow was too wide. Suddenly it struck me it was two rainbows. It was not a double rainbow, which we've all seen, it was stacked rainbow.

In other words, there was one rainbow stacked on another. The original rainbow was brighter and more pronounced, the second, fainter rainbow was immediately below the first. I could detect even a third rainbow which was so faint as to seem like trick of the eye. I had never seen anything like it before. 

Of course, I looked it up on the Internet and lo and behold there it was. These rainbows are quite rare, as they require very specific conditions in order to form. It is called a supernumerary rainbow, also known as a stacker rainbow. The supernumerary bows are slightly detached from the main rainbow, become successively fainter along with their distance from it. The picture above is from the Internet as I was not in a position to take a snap of the one I was seeing, but that is what I saw. Amazing! 

I may never see a stacker rainbow again - I definitely had a moment. However, that's not the only amazing thing I saw this week...

I was standing on my driveway looking up at the clear blue sky where I spotted a bald eagle circling in long lazy arcs. Then I spotted another also circling directly below the first, wow, I thought, that's cool. I looked higher in the sky and saw another large-winged bird circling above the other two. This one was so high I could not make out a white tail or a white head. I assume it was also an eagle because I was then stunned to see another circling above the treetops. Taking it all in I was seeing four bald eagles circling one above the other in a column. I have never seen anything like it. I've seen plenty of vultures circling, but never perfectly stacked in a column like that.

When I was young it used to be a treat to see even one bald eagle. Thankfully they've made a remarkable come back and seeing multiple bald eagles is not a rare occurrence anymore. This was something strange and different. I don't know what behavior I was observing, but I assume it was a rare sight. 

A moment indeed.