Parallel Existence

 

by Craig Willms

A while ago there was a comment on a YouTube video that struck me as actually profound. When I thought about the meaning of what the commenter was elucidating, I said to myself 'that's me'. In short, the subject was about how we go through the faceless world and where we find our place in it - or not. His comment was - essentially - I go out into the world and interact with others, sometimes compelled, sometimes to accompany my wife for something important to her. I talk and interact in a pleasant way, being perfectly polite, but not really enjoying it. Smile and nod. Ok, that's over, good... We return home and I'm instantly happy to be back living a parallel existence to everyone else again.

Parallel existence. Aren't we all living a parallel existence to some degree? Yes, I think so. But we all know people who are not really happy unless they are involved, interacting with others, engaged with another person towards some end. That what makes them feel alive. For others it's a chore, a burden, all this dealing with people. Those like me are at one with ourselves and don't need people as much... 

I know it sounds bad. It sounds like these people, people like me, don't have relationships or close friends and are not neighborly. That's not it. That's not it at all. It's hard to describe, but it really comes down to the feeling that you, you're inside persona has when interacting with other people, you're doing just that, acting. Even that sounds bad, I know. It's best described as that feeling you have when you are finally alone and can be yourself again, peeling off the chameleon skin, done with the show.

It's not that you don't like people. It's not that you don't care about the details of their lives, even though you know they don't really care about yours. It's the fact we all have our own shit to deal with and talking about things is uncomfortable and honestly, it's usually unproductive. It's down to fact that we know that no one really cares. The ones that do care, well they know you and accept you as is, the rest of them are going through the motions as polite company.

For a lot of us even in our personal relationships we tend to keep everyone at an arm's length. It's not that we never open up or act in a vulnerable way, but it's kept to a bare minimum. Those who constantly talk about themselves or keep a verbal dialogue running eventually bore the snot out of us and we are secretly praying for silence. We usually don't share unless asked directly. We may come off as snobs I guess, but honestly does anyone really care about inane details about us? 

There are always exceptions. Some people are so skilled at communication and at expressing what I'd call genuine empathy for you that you tend to open up without even realizing you're doing it. These people are rare and special, but it's not really you that's eliciting it in them, they can do it with just about anyone. You'll notice these types of people are usually quite successful in their chosen fields. Do we envy them, maybe a little. But only a little. 

I have a feeling that this sort of parallel existence phenomenon is largely male. I think women and girls are far more social and actually need closeness in a way that makes men uncomfortable. I think men will be nodding their heads reading this.

I'm not really sure what point I'm making, but I think almost anyone can relate to some degree. Those who are not like this, the ones who dive in headfirst into social situations or really love 'involvement' in groups or social activities might find us odd, but I suspect more people are like me than are like them. It takes all kinds; the world would be a dreadfully dull place if everyone acted like me.