Kids That Kill

Is It Nature or Nurture?

In recent weeks and months us nice folks up here in Minnesota have seen a rash of what the dictionary refers to as -

patricide: [ ptr-sd ]n. The act of murdering one's father and
matricide: [ mtr-sd ]n. The act of killing one's mother.

In two of the cases rather elaborate plots to cash in life insurance policies were involved. Ill conceived as these murders were the trigger man was able to rope his friends into the plot with promises of cold hard cash. It's chilling to think that ones own child could be so cool and calculating when comtemplating putting a bullet in your head.

One has to wonder how these kids were raised and what kind of families these were. As the facts emerged we were all amazed to learn that these were traditional two parent households that from the outside looked like perfectly normal church going, community minded, straight laced salt-of-the-earth type families.

Neighbors, relatives and friends were shocked. No one, it seems, saw this coming. Local talk show hosts began asking the question: are these murders more common now or is it the fact that we live in an era of the media super-saturation? Actually, these acts were henious enough that they would have been sensationally reported in any era.

So what is going on here? Are we just seeing a confluence of events that is magnifying a rare phenomenon onto a small geographic locale? This is probably true, however, the calculating and greedy substrate beneath these particular murders is different. In the past I would venture to guess that parental abuse (of the kids or the mother) was behind most patricidal incidents. Authorities would take the history of abuse into account and neighbors and relatives would whisper under their breath the "drunken bastard" had it coming.

So who is to blame?

Society is different today, kids are different today. It is too easy to lay the blame for the way kids are today solely at the feet of the parents. Being a parent myself (two teenagers) I know that this is bullshit. I refuse to be blamed for my daughter blowing off school work and other important duties and tasks she is responsible for anymore than my mother could've been blamed for me doing the same 25 years ago. At some point we all have to admit that kids who are nearly adults have responsibilities and obligations regardless of how "badly" they were raised. Who among us had a perfect childhood and an ideal rearing?

Kids do need to be held accountable for their actions and inactions too. This is where I and other parents have been lacking. It's not to say we haven't tried. Part of the problem is that kids can use threats against their parents that would bring the weight of the social service goons down on our heads. Don't believe it? My own daughter has used that one on me a few years ago...

Still, as parents we need to be demanding bastards yet worthy of their respect. This is not always easy since we are not perfect either. Think back to high school and those few teachers that really made a difference in your life. I can almost guarantee that they either had high expectations for you and accepted no less or they were very demanding and even first class disciplinarians. And those of you who did have a parent you respected and loved I will guess that these same attributes were true of them as well.

As I struggle with my own children in this society I am constantly amazed at how difficult it is to instill a work ethic and a notion that they are entitiled to no more than food, clothing, shelter and love. Believe it or not the food, clothing and shelter is the easy part.

So to answer the first question: is it nurture or is it nature??? The cop out would be to say it's both, but it wouldn't be true. There is only so much we can blame on original sin... These kids have and want too much - and they want it now! This is, of course, an over generalization of kids today but we have to admit since the Vietnam generation kids have not been asked to do much more than to "feel good" about themselves. If we want answers we might want to look at the mentality of the purveyors of so much of this self-esteem nonsense.

Looks like nuture wins this debate...


CW