Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Soccer Sucks

Them's Fightin' Words...

I tried, I really did. I lasted exactly 12 minutes on one game and about 7 on another. Bottom line: soccer sucks bigtime! I know I am an ugly American who just can't understand the subtle nuances of the "World's Game", but I'm sorry, soccer sucks.

I about puked after receiving the latest issue of National Geographic and it's gushing series of articles over the celebration that is soccer, but, frankly, it still sucks.

Years ago when my son was small I had him join soccer and hoped I would learn to appreciate the game. No, it sucked. In fact, that's probably the absolute worst introduction to the game. Watching 16 kids chase a ball around like a brood of ducklings following it's mother was as brutal to watch as it sounds.

What is the deal with not being able to use your hands? God gave us 4 limbs, not two. In America's favorite sports we are allowed and encouraged to use all of our of our God-given limbs. I'm am sure it takes great skill to be a top soccer player, but how would I know great talent if I saw it? Watch grown men run, kick ball, bounce ball off head and after that - run, kick ball, bounce ball off head. Dazzling demonstration of skill, no?

And what is with that goal? Personally I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a soccer ball, but these "skilled" players often go 90 minutes and never get the ball in the goal which is as big as... THE BROAD SIDE OF A BARN!

Needless to say soccer sucks. Give me NFL, College Hockey and Major League Baseball in that order any single day over World Cup Soccer.

Oh, did I mention that soccer sucks?



TJ Willms said...

As one ugly American to another, I find your assessment of the “worlds” game to be very, very, (let me say that again) very, accurate. Run, Run, Run, kick the ball, nothing happens! What use is a game that routinely ends in a scoreless tie? What’s worse the evening sports caster will tell you the game ended 0-0 but your team lost anyway. There are plenty of sports out there that require real skill along with god-given talent to perfect, however soccer aint one of them. I couldn’t have said it better soccer sucks!!!!

Anonymous said...

Soccer is vastly superior to any other sport on the planet. That is why it is the most popular.

Anonymous said...

I'd ask you, sir, to quantify that statement, but frankly I don't care and neither do I.