I'm only half joking with this blogpost title. Being a man in a long term relationship (pretty good one I guess) I ultimately have no idea what women want and I likely never will. It's because what they say they want and what they actually want - deep down - are often entirely contradictory. The truth is most woman will agree with that statement.
I stumbled upon a fascinating blog the other day and read with great interest because the subject was essentially about the "bad boy" syndrome. Most of us safe, reliable beta males know exactly what that means whether we understand it or not. This article was about today's ultimate bad boys - Muslim men. You can read the whole thing here.
While the article is written by a Christian woman and is centered on the feminist movement's love affair with Islam I thought some of the underlying insights from a woman's perspective were fascinating. Regardless of the fact that most woman would deny many of these assertions if you've lived with a woman or women long enough you know there is truth in there.
FTA: random statements
- - inside, women are like children looking for limits
- - she wants to have the security of being put in her place
- - they are seeking someone who will put them in their place and pass their fitness tests
- - women want to be in submission, but they tend not to want to do it without some fitness testing
- - a man can’t really pass a woman’s fitness test if at the end of the day he does not have any power
- - seeks a worthy man who is strong enough to keep her safe if she cedes control in order to follow him
These assertions (from a woman) at first seem shocking to our modern post-feminized mindset, yet they are buried deep within an evolutionary psychology that pre-dates the feminist movement by tens of thousands of years. What the feminist movement has accomplished by emasculating modern society mostly via political correctness prevents most men from ever passing the fitness test. Modern government, urbanization and high technology has aided in this transformation. Today's modern man is not generally called on to physically defend the family or kill game for food or even conquer the land. Hell, he isn't even able to fix the damn car without advanced training. So today's women either settle (and I mean settle) for a beta, never marry and become cat ladies or go lesbian. Or they seek an often tormented, destructive life of chasing alphas - the bad boys.
In her article Sunshine Mary draws the distinction between what she calls the White Knight - this being white Christian men in modern Western society (in other words the devil himself) - and Muslim men. Now, I believe most Western women have no interest in Islam itself, but they way Muslim men act toward women is strikingly similar to the infamous bad boy in Western culture. That Muslim men are frequently tall, dark and handsome doesn't hurt. It's the aloofness and the absence of any semblance of male neediness combined with the willingness to use coercion and violence that is like an aphrodisiac. Add the infidelity that is literally expected of the bad boy and he is simply irresistible. Her constant dread that she is yesterdays news keeps her striving to please him in every way regardless of how he responds.
Women who settle for safe, comfortable beta males often let themselves go physically and have little interest in housework or cooking or sex. Their "yes dear" husbands do nothing to instill dread and often fall into the same rut. They too let themselves go and find solace in sports and drinking or some other activity that separates them from their wives. This while the media and society fills both their heads with images and stories of the triumph of alpha males and the fruits of their conquests.
It has gotten so bad that men are constantly told in commercials that they need a drug to get back what feminism and the modern world has taken from them - their hard-ons. One, you never see overweight, dopey mamma's boys in those commercials, and two, try to imagine erectile dysfunction TV commercials running in Muslim countries - not gonna happen.
A huge problem for women these days is that the pool of qualified men that can even take the fitness test is dwindling before their eyes. This problem is exasperated as they age because what they have to offer in a mans eyes fades. Without any "manly jobs" (face it there are very few actual full-time positions for firemen) a young man without a college degree has few prospects of achieving an earning potential that even get's him in the door. It's hard to blame women for that. She has needs, and the security of high earner sharing her bed is often paramount.
Young men around the world have retreated to their parents basements to play video games. They've gone K through12 doped up on Ritalin because they, well, they acted like boys. Now college doesn't want them, manufacturing plants have left the country and the trades are over-stocked with cheap immigrant labor. It's hard to blame young men for that. They get their needs met in their mom's kitchen and of course broadband Internet porn.
And so the TV and radio commercials for online dating web sites blare morning and night. In the end very few ever measure up. Young men aren't interested in overweight, demanding women and young women aren't interested in man-boys that live in their mom's basement. What a world we have created.
As a self confessed beta male and having once been a "yes, dear" husband I think the solution is that men are going to have be a hybrid... Alpha-when-you-need-to-be. Take charge of your life with confidence. There are times being assertive and sensitive, aloof and attentive all at the same time is going to be required. You will have to set yourself up socially and economically to demonstrate your manliness and status without being a full-time jerk. Hopefully you won't have to resort to violence ever, but be wary of anger. Alpha males are rarely angry men. I don't know if woman like violence as Sunshine Mary asserts, but I am sure that women don't like anger.
But I could be wrong.